In 2020, I started seeing a therapist.
You know, I always thought that seeing a therapist meant I was weak. I never wanted to be looked down upon. I never wanted to look weak. I pride myself on being independent. But, 2020 brought a lot of self-reflection, as I’m sure it did for a lot of us. And it left me feeling like I needed to close some doors in order to open others.
True story, I was sitting on my patio one day listening to a podcast from Living With Landyn talking about how she sees her therapist, this one to be exact. (Quick background, Landyn is a boss mom, her husband played in the NFL for years and she’s someone I really look up to). So when I heard THIS, I literally paused the podcast, looked at my husband and said, “I think I need to talk to someone.”
Because someone shared their story, I’m sharing mine.
I spoke with a few psychologists (this is what I'm going to refer them as) until I found someone that I really clicked with. This process is hard, it’s like dating again (as if I would even know how to date anymore). You have to eat a few bad chocolates in the chocolate box in order to find your favorite.
It was the start of the 2020 football season where I ramped up the frequency of my sessions. I had personally noticed moments, too frequently honestly, where I felt like I was going to faint. On the highway driving, getting coffee with a new friend and at home performing normal tasks.
I went to a doctor who ran an EKG, and several other tests but everything came up negative.
I brought this up to my psychologist and he immediately listened and offered me solutions and tools I could use in order to prevent these episodes.
What we found was that when I felt a little more “worried” about the day or if I was thinking about something in the past or future I would STOP BREATHING! Literally stop breathing.
Something so simple I feel like I could have fixed on my own, but it took someone else to sincerely listen, acknowledge the issue at hand and then want to help me. Since then, I’ve had 0 episodes of feeling faint. Amazing.
Not to say the doctors didn't help, but in this case, my problem was solved from someone looking at it in a different perspective.
My psychologist also helped me unpack a lot of the pain I was holding onto from my adolescent years. A parental divorce, weight issues, etc will do that to you. I had never opened up to someone about this. I was nauseous going into this session, bringing up old feelings. But what a difference it made.
I literally feel so much lighter. I’ve accepted things for what they were/are and I’m able to move forward. That alone, is something I’ll never be able to thank my psychologist enough for.
Sometimes it just takes talking to someone whose an unbiased party to shine light on things for you.
We still talk occasionally. It usually starts by something that pops up and I think to myself, “I’d love to run through this with x.”
What I appreciate the most about this process is that I found someone out there that genuinely wants to listen but also provide tools so that I can deal with life’s challenges on my own.
So, if you're feeling like you resonate with this story and have been thinking about talking to someone, here's my little nudge telling you to do it. It's uncomfortable, it's hard but you'll be glad you did.
It was the best decision I made for myself.
