How many kids do you have?
I have one kid. He is 5 months old now (crazy how fast time goes). I also have a black lab who is 2 and a half years old (she’s also my big baby).
Favorite part of motherhood?
My favorite part of motherhood is watching all of the new things my baby learns. I also love the snuggles when he lets me.
One thing you’ve learned about yourself through motherhood?
I learned that when I think I can't do anymore, I can. God is so good at giving us challenges because he knows what we can handle.
One truth (or more) you wish someone had told you about before becoming a mother?
This is about to get lengthy. I’ve been replaying this over and over in my head since it all happened. I felt like I needed to share but didn’t know how to. Sarah started this wonderful site and I thought wow now’s my time. Still hesitant, I reached out. So if you’re reading this then I got the courage to tell you all.
Here it goes… I was scared becoming a first time mom like many other first time moms I’m sure. I felt better knowing that I had a great OBGYN who is highly recommended in our area. Things were going good and I was getting more and more excited as the time got closer. Then I got the news that our insurance was changing and I’d have to switch doctors, hospitals, etc. once January 1st came (babies due date was February 6). I was then in panic mode. I was comfortable where I was and now I’d have to find a whole new hospital and doctor for just a short month before baby was here (unless we wanted to pay over double in insurance then what we were to keep the same doctor-couldn’t afford that). We called back and forth with insurance companies, hospitals, and my place of employment. Each call we would get different information saying you can continue with your same provider until babies here (feeling as sense of relief), then we’d hear from another person that no you can’t, you’ll have to switch.
We went back and forth for weeks to figure out what we could actually do and ultimately we needed to switch. I’m not good with change and so many things were changing around me (looking back it did make me stronger and I’m learning to accept change a little better).
First appointment at the new place, the doctor comes in and says I haven’t looked at your chart but do you have questions. ONE month away from due date, new doctor, new hospital and she tells me she hadn’t looked at anything... maybe this is normal but I wish she wouldn’t have told me that. Anyways, it was time for me soon after to start having checks. I did not do well with those at all and I had told the doctor many times but she just said we have to do them (they weren’t working). I was so uncomfortable each time going to for my appointments knowing I’d be forced to have a check. I didn’t think it was necessary since in my mind I thought I’d have labor signs if I actually was close. But I wasn’t a doctor so I just tried to brush it off. I talked to a few friends about it and they said switch doctors if you are uncomfortable and I thought how could I switch just a week from my due date. But I’m SOO glad I did.
So now I’m on my 3rd doctor of my pregnancy but I’m feeling better. She listened to my concerns and respected them. My due date came and went. The doctor said she doesn’t like her patients to go past 41 weeks so if I do not go into labor my then she would want to induce me. I thought no way would that happen nor did I want it to happen. But there again she is the doctor so I trusted her.
It was induction day. I got the medications and things were moving along as they should. The nurse came in and said they wanted to give me the pitocin in 2 hours and recommended that I get my epidural (I wanted one) in an hour because it will start to get way worse. They come in for the epidural and the anesthesiologist had someone with him (I figured someone who would be watching). As they get started I realize the guy who I thought would be watching was doing the epidural. Now I’m really nervous. He did it wrong and I was feeling all sorts of weird things but they’re being very quiet about it. I start to not being able to hold myself up and struggle breathing and the nurse is holding me up. The real guy steps in and has to redo it all. This went on for awhile.
Then my heart rate and blood pressure start to drop. And then babies heart rate is dropping. I’m very faint and nurses are running in and out to help get me stable. I asked if my experience in getting the epidural was normal and they just said it’s all different. But talking with others afterwards it sounds like they are pretty quick and easy. They tell me they can't start pitocin until mine and baby's levels are good. I remember one nurse looking over me and asking is she okay to all of the other nurses (I’m pretty out of it but understood something wasn’t going right). I was so scared. Like why would this lady lean over me and ask that?
They were finally able to get things under control to give me the pitocin but that wasn’t working as fast as they wanted it to. I wasn’t dilating and baby's heart rate kept dropping. I could only lay on my right side all day long. Nurses were in and out all day. Which don’t get me wrong I am very thankful for all they did for me and baby. I just wonder if being induced was the right thing for me. I was then told that I would probably need to have a c-section because things weren’t progressing. They came in with multiple vials to draw my blood. Again, obviously I’ve never gone through this before but it just seems like a whole heck of a lot going on for something that has been being done since the beginning of time. With all of this I couldn’t eat which is normal but it had been hours and I had thrown up 5-6 times. I felt sooo weak and faint I wondered if I would even be able to push when it came time.
Anyways, finally I’m to the point where I can push. I was so tired, Dylan told me I was falling asleep in between contractions and I didn’t feel strong enough during this part of labor. I wonder now if this is normal or if my body was so worn out from the night before and whole day leading up to this. After awhile our sweet baby boy was born. God is good and knows what he’s doing.
For the most part I don’t really think about it but when I do I have questions as to why it had to be this way. I feel like it’s not something that should be brushed off. At my follow up appointments there was not one mention on how things went. I should have spoke up. I wanted to ask about it but I didn’t want to waste my doctor's time and also wondered if she’d even remember since I’m just one delivery of the many she does. I don’t want to sound ungrateful or negative, my doctors and nurses were nothing short of amazing. So kind, helpful, and caring. I just wish there was more education before and after. It might sound dumb, but a debriefing session. I did research beforehand but honestly didn’t know what I should be researching. Doctors would ask if I had questions but honestly I didn’t know what to ask.
Ultimately, I wish I wouldn’t have gotten induced. It seems like all of my complications stemmed from all of the unnatural ways of tricking my body into labor. I am by no means a medical expert but just wanted to share my experiences and how I felt.
How did you deal with the emotions associated with the above topic?
I still feel weird about how the whole delivery went but I have the most perfect little boy that Dylan and I could ever ask God for. Writing about this to help guide others to know that they have choices and learning I should speak up has helped me.
Favorite places to seek out mom advice?
For breastfeeding advice and all things postpartum I go to Karrie Locher, for sleep tips I go to Taking Cara Babies, for car seat safety I use Safe in the Seat, and many other accounts. Most importantly I turn to my Mom for advice and help. She’s always been my number one supporter. But as always I take things bit by bit and am learning to trust my gut even if someone else doesn’t like what I’m doing.
Any words for a new mama?
TRUST YOUR GUT. If something feels off you’re probably right. You are your child’s mother... no one else knows your kids better than you do. You are an awesome mama!
Anything else you'd like to add?
It’s uncomfortable, but it’s okay and you should speak up for you and your family.
Sarah here, okay wow. MacKenzie's story is incredible. To give birth after an experience like that is something I couldn't even imagine. Just another testament to vouching for yourself! As first-time Moms, everything is so new. But like she said, trust your gut. You're your best advocate.
